Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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