I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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