I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
