she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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