you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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