You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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