Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
