It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
