So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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