My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
