allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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