I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
