chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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