3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
worst night to have a conscience
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
