How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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