o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
