I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
