this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
