Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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