shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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