i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
