if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
