Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
