i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
