I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
