Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My breasts were aching with rage.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
