I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize