I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
