Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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