Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
