im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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