I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
a search helicopter?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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