"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
