is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
