that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
