WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
