i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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