He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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