And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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