people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
