this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
