Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
