it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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