My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just google imaged poop.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
