Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
