what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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