Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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