hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
