I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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