those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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