she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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