its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
