He uses pillows to masturbate.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
