The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
