You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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