So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
