this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
