The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
