I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
