I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
