Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
