My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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