you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
