Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
