Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
