two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
