Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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