Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
