One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
