So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
