you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
