Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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