i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
