you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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