Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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