She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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