I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
