When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
