She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
