he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
